Reading has always caused me to become very introspective. My life is always at a point where I need to have something brought to my attention. Currently, I have started reading a book called “7: The experimental mutiny against excess”. Jen Hatmaker journals throughout each of these month long “experiments”, sharing everything from her failings to her deepest insights.
Since beginning to read this book, I have noticed the chaos that envelopes my life. My world is in constant motion. When I am not moving, my mind is racing. And my mind races when I am moving. A quiet moment does not happen. A moment where I reflect on what is going on inside of me does not happen. I indulge myself in the lie that a million things need to get done. I indulge my self in many lies. I have become a selfish person. I have decided what needs to be done. I have decided what I need to eat, what I need to relax, what I need to spend my money on, only pretending that I care about the opinions and insights of others. I act like a 5 year old. I have made up these selfish rules and demand that they are met by me or those around me. And worse than anything, I have forgotten to consult the One who knows that I really need.
The truth has gotten shoved back in the far dusty corner, behind the noise and chaos and fake needs.
But it is not about us.
We have all been deceived by the best deceiver. It is all an elaborate scheme to keep us distracted with ourselves. It’s a very well executed scheme that we have all fallen for. We let our lives overtake us. I actually I have no control over my mind or body. My mind and body have been controlled by the lies that I have bought in to, and the lies control me. Restraining my sinful, selfish nature is a task too large for me, because on some level I really do believe that my life is all about me.
But…God is the only thing that matters. No matter what lies I believe or tell myself. This is His story. And for some reason, He is allowing me to be a very small part in it.
My life is a swirling mess around me, but He is Greater. I need to learn how to let this beautiful Savior save me from the lies. To untangle my thoughts and selfish ideals. To take me down off of the crumbling pedestal that I have built for myself, and let me bow at the foot of His healing cross.
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