I fantasize of a world many would label as utopia. Except my version would be more OCD than most. To cope with various trials in my life, I have developed behaviors and disciplines that I deem to be “common sense”. I actually get mad at people when they do not do things my way. Which I am sure to be true of every other person. An organized person cannot imagine a world without order and everything in it’s place. A spontaneous person cannot imagine expending any vast amount of energy on anything other than living life to the full. Every type of person gives a certain amount of judgement towards any persons who do not exhibit similar disciplines as themselves. We want things to be done our way. Maybe in only a small part. We cause chaos and tension and friction with those around us because they are doing something differently than us. Or maybe it’s the fact that they are doing it at all. It is unreasonable to expect other people to hold true to our own convictions and disciplines, moral convictions aside.
My husband and I were raised very different. We were both in good schools and probably considered middle class. Our parents were able to let us pursue any extra curricular activities that we wished. But there are some differences that you notice after living with each other for a while. When we met, I would have been considered the spontaneous one. But I live by order and rules and black & white. This had caused me to impose by disciplines onto him. My expectations are that he perform his life the same way that I live mine. And this causes friction. This causes me to be unnecessarily frustrated, and this causes him undue stress.
I do not want this to be said of me. I do not want to be judgmental. I want love to proceed me. I want my heart to be sympathetic, not calloused. I don’t want to live in a world where my attention is drawn to faults instead of hurts or needs. People are hurting and dying in a world that just eats them alive. How am I different from them if I do the same? How am I an example of Christ if I do not let love be my motivator?
It all goes back to the story. The whole big story. You know, the one where it’s not about me. Why would I impose my ridiculous customs on to anyone? How entirely arrogant can I be to think that my way is right? Why would I want anyone to be like me? I am called to shine the love of Christ and cause those that I come in contact with to see Him. Instead I have made it very clear that I think highly of myself. Yes, I am valuable and I have worth. But in the end, it is not about me. It’s not about us.
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