Seen

I went to the ER the other night for some abdominal pain. Sitting here now, with some intermittent pain still and no definitive answer, I find myself swimming in my anxiety. This is where I feel exposed. This is when it feels like I’m on display. All of my shortcomings, my anxiety, my inability to be normal. I feel seen, but in all the worst ways. 

I feel silly. Here I am sitting on my couch, in a position that is generally pain free and comfortable. And it just makes me feel like an imposter. I forget that there’s a problem and then I go to get up again, and the pain is there again. It’s all still new and unknown, so of course, in my usual style, I’m overthinking it all.

Don’t we all have that thing that we get all caught up in our head about? Maybe not you. But I feel like it’s a lot of us. I don’t want to be this way. I didn’t choose anxiety. Whatever your hang up is, you most likely didn’t choose it either. While I have done the work to overcome so much of it, there’s a lot that’s still there. It’s so much a part of me. And I feel like the whole world sees.  Why am I afraid of what people think of me? 

Remember the woman at the well? Jesus walked up to her, spoke to her, spoke about her struggles. She felt seen in all the worst ways by the people in her town. But Jesus, He saw her. All of her. The whole picture of her sin and her shortcomings. And, most importantly, He saw her value. 

I picture Jesus looking at me right now, while I have no desire to look into His eyes as I feel the shame of my anxiety. He sees. He sees me in the best way and loves me in all of it. 

There’s a reason that the woman ran back to her town and told everyone about Jesus. When someone looks us in the eyes and chooses to love us when we feel like we are at our worst, there’s no other response than to share that love. 

In this week’s Hello Accountability podcast, Alicia tells us all about John 4 and the woman at the well. And I just can’t get over how God tied that into my personal life this week. Check it out here! https://helloaccountability.buzzsprout.com